Movie Viewing etiquette

This afternoon I went and saw Vanity Fair starring Reese Witherspoon. I went alone as my husband didn't want to go with me to aforementioned film for fear it would be a chick flick. It kinda was, but that's not the point. I liked it for the most part, and was suitably impressed by Reese's work. Otherwise, the popcorn was stale, and my drink was lukewarm as usual. Typical viewing in our mid-sized town off the beaten path with one choice for movie theatres.

At any rate, I had a really piss-poor movie experience in general. Just about every movie "don't" that could be committed was. It went down like this.

1. Lady down the road from me keeps getting cell phone calls. Turn off your damn ringer Bitch! If you can't get away for two hours to see a movie, don't bother coming. I turn my phone to silent every time I walk through those doors- it's all about courtesy.

2. Three ladies behind me talk English literature parallels throughout movie. I finally have to turn around and shush them. They shut up for a bit, but start back up before it's said and done. If you're going to be a critic, do it professionally, or at least go get some coffee afterwards. Don't ruin for the rest of us by not being able to shut your yapper.

3. Parents with obnoxious child. The kid is not the least bit interested in this movie, and we all know it. Do the parents take said child out? No, of course not. They glare at the rest of us when we glare at them, and are in general completely insensitive not only to us, but the poor kid, who could give a rat's ass about the movie.

4. Old dude with a flashlight. I had gotten to the film about 25 minutes early, so I got to enjoy watching an older gentleman and his wife walk into the theater. It wasn't dark yet, but they had their flashlight full blast. Not only did I get it flashed in my eyes, but the chicks in front of me got it too. To top it off, the guy keeps turning it on during the movie to check his watch! Give me a break.

5. People arrive late and step on my feet. This is an effin matinee people! It is on a Thursday at 3 p.m. Why do you need to get there five minutes into the movie? Not only were these idiots loud, but they were disrespectful and didn't excuse themselves before they proceeded to climb over me for seats. The worst thing about it is that there was both a left and right aisle, and they didn't need to step over me in the first place.

6. Couple in the back attempting sexual intercourse. I know about being hot for your date, as my husband and I like to sit close together when we go to films. We were especially bad when we first dated, but we never tried to do it during a matinee filled with middle aged women and older couples. Get a freakin room!

I could go on and on, but going through this again just makes me more angry. It is irritating that I was so excited to have the day off and go see a movie only to have it ruined by a bunch of insensitive jerks. Did I like the movie? It was okay, but I would have liked it more if people would have made an effort to be courteous and quiet.

Anybody got any movie horror stories to tell? Today was a bad one for sure, but I am certain I am not the only one who has wanted to commit homicide instead of enjoying the show they paid to see.