Monday, July 16, 2007

Rock of Love Episode #1: Look What the Cat Dragged In!

As many of you know, I am a longtime metal fan, so I am sure it comes to no surprise to you that when Rock of Love premiered on VH-1 last night, I was there with my remote ready to crank up the volume and check things out.

The premise of the show is that rocker Bret Michaels, the lead singer of Poison, is looking for a lady to love, ala Flavor of Love, but with a metal twist rather then a hip hop one. After years of either one night stands or long term relationships, it is apparent that Bret is rusty at dating, but up to the challenge.

In this first episode, Bret pulls up to his rockin' pad on a custom hog. The girls cheer and ogle him while he makes an introductory speech. That being done, his head of security Big John comes out and looks the ladies over. He immediately picks out five that are not "up to standards" and kicks them out before they even get in the door of the house. While four of the ladies go pretty quietly, Tiffany is just not having it. As the chosen ladies head in the house, Tiffany decides to bang on the door and plead for one last shot.

Big John is a big softie, and lets Tiffany in. While this drama has gone on, the other ladies have, in true rock and roll style, broken into the booze and started partying. Kristia and Brandi C. bond immediately, and proclaim "when we put our boobs together we can think better". Oh lord, I smell a threesome in Bret's future! As the ladies continue to get things going, Tiffany decides she has to catch up and gets really hammered. It is a combination of pity and a feeling in my belly watching her. But things are just getting warmed up!
Bret comes out, dressed to the metal nines and proceeds to take pictures for the backstage passes that the ladies will be receiving later. Several ladies make out with Bret, and Heather even shows her boobs while making the metal horns. It was enough to make any rocker steam up the lens. A couple of the girls freeze up, making for a bad start for them. Poor Lauren looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
After the picture taking, Bret engages the women in conversation. Brandi M. wins my vote by telling Bret that as Scorpio, she is ruled by her genitals. You go girl! Brandi C. tries to get Bret's attention in a high pitched voice that is a tad annoying. More on her later! My favorite moment is when Bret tries to engage Tamara, a smoking hot babe, in conversation. Either she is drunk, nervous, or not super smart, as she fails to make any sense at all. Luckily for her, Bret is a rocker dude, and he is into her bod.
Other girls of note include Samantha, who has several tattoos and a master's degree. She and Bret hit it off, but she worries he will not be interested in her for long because she doesn't drink or party. My opinion is that she will make the cut, because she is smart and interesting. Bret also has a "moment" with Rodeo, an older, but hot lady with a cut bod. They bond over their kids, and she feels very close to him. I quite like Rodeo, and hope she stays around for the duration. She is a bit older, and has had a fascinating life. Other ladies Bret seems fascinated with are Lacey, who is a rocker with bright red hair, and Jes, a tough girl with a shock of pink runing through her blonde hair. I was surprised to see how beautiful Jes was under the "punk" look she was sporting, and imagine she and Lacey will be aroud for a bit.
During all this interaction, poor Tiffany is stealing the show by getting as drunk as humanly possible. As the cameras roll, she tries to get into a fight with Brandi M. and Dallas. Big John has to remind her that she is there by the skin of her teeth. To see her stumble over her words and try to make sense of it all is insane. It reminds me of my rocker days, so I feel her pain.
Two girls, Faith and Magdelena, take the more lady like route. Both are wearing demure summer dresses and are drinking wine or champagne with manners. Bret keeps both of these women around, probably for their stunning good looks and hard to get mannerisms. I am interested to see how things fare for these ladies as the competition proceeds.
Before Bret makes his cuts, Brandi C. comes out wearing a hot pink bikini that is at least two sizes too small. She sits on his lap and cuddles, which pretty much saves her ass and guarantees that she and Kristia will survive to see a possible threesome with Bret.
Other survivors are Brandi M. my wild child favorite, Rodeo, Dallas, Heather of the boob showing, Jes, Lacey, the very vacant Tamara, Mia, Samantha, and by the skin of her teeth, Tiffany. Bret tells her that he has had nights like that, getting completely hammered, and that he is making an exception for her. It made me appreciate Bret, despite the fact that he had a fixation for hot chicks with big hooters. There are several blondes left, and a few wild hairstyles. Bret has his work cut out for him, if previews of the season are any indication.
I quite enjoyed Rock of Love. It is my new guilty pleasure. As much as I secretly watched Flavor of Love, I am going right out there and saying it publicly: I am going to watch this show to the bitter end. I have got to know who hottie rocker Bret is going to pick!
Did any of you check this out or are you cringing in horror that I was so into it? Heh heh.


Carl said...

Uuuuughhhhhh arrrrrghhhhhh gaaaahhhhh oohhhhhhh gawddddddddddd, the pain William, THE PAIN!!!
I don't think Cthulhu and The Elder Gods could put a hurt on me as hard as just the synopsis of this show. WATCHING IT?!!! I have to ask, why, God, WHY?!!!

Oh, glad you enjoyed it Heidi, forget I said anything, hee (big-eyed puppy smiley face)...

Eaglewing said...

Oh, whatever helps you sleep, I guess :) However, I may have to watch this just to see how gals joining boobs helps the thinking process. I'm all for watching multiple boobs affecting brain synapses.

Reminds me of my dialysis days and we had these mini tv's at the beds so us patients could watch tv, and I'd share my headphones with the nurses so they could get caught up on the latest Bachelor shenanigans. The show was nine shades of bloody awfulness, but the headphone sharing was alright. ;) Rock on...

Heidi Meeley said...

Carl, you are too sweet! Thank you for humoring an old broad like me!

Heidi Meeley said...

Eaglewing, from a purely Physics-based angle, I would say this show is indeed full of bounce. Imagine said girls "thinking better" and it just seems to make the world a better place for the fellas. Ahem.... :-)

That was sweet of you to watch The Bachelor with the nice lady nurses! I am sure it was all for their benefit, right? Hee hee. Good for you being so clever!

Lisa said...

I've seen bits and pieces of it, but not the whole ep.

Brett is coming to our county fair this weekend!

Heidi Meeley said...

Lisa!!! Are you going to go see Bret?? You will have to let me know!

Rock of Love is a great escape mechanism for me. It takes me back to my rocker chick days and is a wonderful guilty pleasure. Heh!

Lisa said...

Naw, I cant go because it's Friday night and I've got the Harry Potter party that evening. If they were playing the next day (Saturday) then I'd think about going.

Heidi Meeley said...

Lisa, you will definitely be way too busy for Bret, and I would miss it for that as well. I am hoping that your Harry Potter party goes well- I wish we could be there!

Bret will be around again, possibly shirtless, so it was a good decision. Heh heh.

Lisa said...

We already have 9 Harry Potter books pre-paid, so that's good. Now I just hope people show up for the party! Stay tuned -- I'll put pictures on Flickr and my blog either Saturday or Sunday.

I've been to 2 Poison concerts already, so I guess I can miss this one.

Britt Schramm said...

I tried watching it but the wounds of my youth are still too fresh for me to view it comfortably. I guess that I'll have to stick with my Sunday nights being Chachi-nated.

Heidi Meeley said...

Britt, the show is painful at times, but it does include a lot of rocker fun. It may even heal you. Check out my most recent post to see the most incredibly fake boobs ever seen! I am in shock and it has been 24 hours.